standing in the ashes at the end of the world

It's funny how life can go from zero to sixty so quickly.

Life is a rush, an ocean. You take the swells with the lulls, I guess.








Sometimes, despite my being a cusp baby, I am inescapably faced with the fact that I am such, such, such a Capricorn.

In the battle between my heart and my head, my head will always prevail. I thought I could win out this time, but it was not so. The little voice in my head just couldn't let me go.

Funny to think about the fact that I'm always a prisoner, in this way. I feel like I can achieve only achieve that wild abandon when it's right, when there's nothing that my little voice could pick at, can flag red.

Some might say it's a good thing. I guess it depends on your point of view. Doesn't everything?



I had a dream last night that all the grass in the world suddenly became bouncy. Rabbits were flying hundreds of feet in the air, cows bounced across the fields, the kids in the park were being shot upwards this way and that.

Everyone was amazed, and flocked to the nearest parks, patches of grass. For a few hours, everyone in the world was focused, together, on this amazing, ridiculous thing that had happened.

Everyone was just bouncing, in unison, on the grass.

Ridiculous, but rather inspiring, no? Maybe making bouncy grass is the key to bringing all the disillusioned people in this world together.

ferry

everything is beautiful
let the music carry you
maybe I will follow you, forever

nowhere else I'd rather be
when you're lying next to me
let the me music carry us together...

for an angel.

time. the seconds. the tick tock. like the beat of your heart. leading you closer. hear the sound. it's beckoning you...to a magical place where dreams live free, and music is our language. we need no words here. come with me. beyond wonderland...

Wow.

You never think it's going to be the best night of your life until you look back on it and realize that nothing can compare.



Beautiful people.

I think the one thing I really came away with was that it's not what you do with your life, it's the people you do it with, it's the souls you forge connections with along the way.

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

poison, fuzzy, supernova, forever.
fluid, rush.
"get some!"
minty fresh
heart



there's a time for holding on...
forgive.
never too late
living in sin
the go place!
wow
lior!
fire
warmth
the bouncy ball
everything comes naturally


who understands those rap guys
"oh my god a BABY"
crazy girl

"this was fate."

"I love the way you become one with the music, and the wildfire in your eyes that, in moments, was all I could focus on as I rode the waves and good vibrations...I hope that those fortunate enough to see you every day realize what a gift that truly is...in the broad scope of the night you could still find a way of making everything else seem to just fade away for the moment."

For now, I have no more words. I am simply going to bask in the afterglow.

Love always,

Forever

when we're together, we're forever

ATB's L.A. Nights brings back a euphoric feeling of home, Los Angeles, those breezy summer nights, dancing til the sun comes up, carefree summer love...I can't even describe it. It's beautiful.

Makes me happy and hope full.



People always ask each other whether you'd rather be blind than deaf. It's just one of those questions that people seem to find defining, one of those ones you'd probably find on one of those online personality quizzes. I guess it does say a lot about a person.

Given the choice between the two, I think I would rather be blind than deaf, because at least you could hear peoples' voices, you could talk to people, you could listen to music and hear birds chirping. You could hear the crash of the ocean. Sight is an incredible gift. I can't really imagine not being able to see the trees, the sea, see other people, their expressions. But...if I had to give one up, sight would be it. Not being able to enjoy the nuances of conversation, the rustle of the wind in the trees...

Deafness must be so lonely.


And don't even get me started on not being able to listen to music.

At least for me, every song I listen to reminds me of something, a time in my life, someone, some place. For me, music is so intertwined with my memory that some songs just become a part of me. Even songs without words just...make you feel.

Which is why it's about time I did another snapshot. :)

*

Collect Call - Metric
For an Angel - Paul Van Dyk
On The Porch - The Format
Falling Hard - The Crystal Method
Blue Light - Bloc Party
Never Cry Again - Dash Berlin
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie
Suddenly The Trees Are Giving Way - Ulrich Schnauss
I Didn't Know - The Colorful Quiet
Someone Great - LCD Soundsystem
Think About Me - Goo Goo Dolls
L.A. Nights - ATB
Brazil - Deadmau5
Shooting Stars - Bag Raiders
Fix You Up - Tegan and Sara

*

to see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower

Can we please talk about how unbelievably beautiful it is today?

I had some thoughts on things, but the sun whisked them away.




Actually, though, I did want to talk a little bit about how weird weather is. At any given point during the day, all around the world, it is probably snowing, raining, sunny, hurricane-ing, tornado-ing, and some volcano (particularly those underwater) is probably erupting...all at the same time. And when people first decided to try and predict the weather before there were devices that could? Someone actually decided that they would find a way to predict that shit.

People literally used to think that the elements were a result of whatever the gods were feeling. Now we know they're scientific phenomena.

Where are we going to be in fifty years? What are we going to understand then that we don't now?


Maybe our understanding or belief in religion now is going to completely morph. The funny thing is that throughout the ages, though religion changes, it is still persistent in the human tradition.

Apparently, we all need something to believe. There is always something that we can't really explain. There's always a need to have an explanation, no matter how far-fetched, because sometimes not having the answers just isn't good enough.



What I think? People just need to accept that there are some things we will never understand. Life is a bit of a mystery. And if we understood everything? Imagine a world where we had all the answers.

Where would the beauty be?

the simple things

There's really nothing like having an extremely stressful yet productive day, getting tons of things done, turning in a twenty-five page marketing plan, walking all over campus, filling out hiring paperwork, putting together budgets, making a powerpoint presentation, running back and forth between class and the store, filing your taxes, hitting the books for a few hours (all of this done running on three hours of sleep and a double espresso)...

and then coming home, heating up a mini strawberry pie, dolloping on some ice cream, finding the perfect patch of warm sun on the carpet in your room and lounging out, unwinding, and wasting a good hour or two doing absolutely nothing.



Mmmmmmm.

with you I live a dreamer's dream

Life is complicated, and things are complicated, and I get that. But the past month has been the happiest of my life. In spite of everything, in spite of some of the huge obstacles that are staring me down, I am walking tall. I am perfectly, incandescently, unbelievably...content isn't the right word, because I'm past contentment. I have beautiful, wonderful, hilarious and amazing people in my life. Some old, some new...some who I thought I had lost, but we found our way back to each other. I couldn't ask for more than that.

I feel like I'm blossoming.

This is one of those rare, perfect, beautiful times in your life where you just have to lift up your hands, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and take it all in. Trap it in amber, wrap it up and keep it in your heart to light the way when darkness comes.



<3

when someone great is gone (I wish that we could talk about it)

“You've changed so much. I guess that's what happens. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me. Because mine's different. My God, you taught me so much, and now we don't even talk to each other. I guess that's what happens.”