who needs shelter?

but mommy...can't I just stay here forever?

I just ate lunch and my waiter was the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life. not joking. sweet jesus, he unstitched me. such tall, bronze beauty should NOT be swathed in black and bringing me plates. it should be in my bed. bringing me strawberries. and pleasure. who knew that dark hair and dark eyes could look so good? and the freckles on the tan skin, god the freckles. and the failed but really cute attempts at english? I'm just struck dead. this is why I collect blondes, but when they're keepers, they're always the dark, broody type. mmm.

fangirling aside, seriously, I need to start eating out more. I can only do so much with shitty frozen vegetables. I practically licked my plate clean and it just feels so good to be full. now I know why I'm not fat yet--the food I've been eating wasn't this good.


but really, I do want to stay here. I finally feel at home. I'm getting to know more people, and they're all such genuinely nice, funny characters. the work is great, the people are awesome, the tea is like crack, and the weather is finally clearing up. it's a beautiful, sunny day despite the terrible thunderstorm last night. my laundry survived the very broken washing machine and I hung it out to dry...and it just felt homey. what's not to love?

6 days until I go to krakow, the city that (apparently) does not sleep and is overrun with loud, drunken british tourists. I can not wait to tear up this town. then I have to spend my last few days packing up my life. it's like all the sand in the hourglass turned to water...

dilmah.

people! (not that people read this but whatev.) it's been a whole day and I have food for thought.

not that kind of food, silly.

has it been a day, or has it been a day. I am busting my ass over here, people. I mean it's cool stuff, but man, I haven't worked this hard, been this interested, or been this focused in a very long time. it's like you can hear the freakin wheels turning in my brain. the ends of my hair are turning blonde because I'm sucking intensity out of them. (but seriously, my hair is turning blonde, and I haven't the faintest clue why.)

I'm editing these documents that have been translated absolutely abominably by another summer student. then again, that's what I came here for! sling your english at me. bring it on. it's the one thing I am actually well equipped to deal with on this trip.

I have tried every flavor of tea in the kitchen, and my favorite is still peach, with the raspberry coming a dangerously close second. I'm becoming an addict, I swear to you.

it also just struck me how shitty white chocolate is. like seriously, I actually liked this stuff? milk isn't much better. I haven't had a plain chocolate bar in a while, so this is a new epiphany for me. when you dress it up with nougat and caramel and whatnot it's fine, but really, dark is so much better. once you go black you never go back...?

speaking of epiphanies, if I have two kids, a boy and a girl, I am naming them sky and epiphany. actually, gender doesn't really matter, those are the names they are getting. though a boy would probably get a lot of shit for being named epiphany. maybe pip for short? then again if I don't have a girl I'm going to go nuts. boys are a handful.


I went for a walk in the old city yesterday and got stared at like I was mary freakin poppins (or some sort of circus freak, but I'd like to think the former). a strange foreign woman wandering the streets by herself with her ipod in dressed in formal clothing and taking pictures of street art? I guess I'd stare too.

I hope we make ends meet for this new place. it would be so kickass.


they put something in the food here. there is no way I should be this skinny. NO way.

I heard some very interesting news today. it spawned a secret. (!) it sort of flew from my pen onto my legal pad as I was taking notes a few hours later. I think I am going to use this picture...

I will hopefully get to meet the famous dominika tomorrow! maybe I can convince someone (bartek?) to take me to a disco this weekend, too. and then it's just a week left! where did the time go?

why can't we just rewind?

I leave the house and it is a beautiful sunshine-y day, and then as soon as I enter the office there's a thick cloud cover for the rest of the day. at least it's nice when I'm physically outside, I guess. but how will I ever take pictures with this light? *sigh*.

I really want to try one of those super long sandwiches, but I don't know how to order one! I will do it, though. maybe today is the day. today is the day I seize my power (or lack) of language skills!

I am staying on at my internship for another week! guess they like me after all. :)

I keep seeing twins of people here! I've already seen several people from high school wandering warsaw's streets. who is next?

it's funny how time is so fickle. sometimes it goes by slowly, sometimes it goes by quickly, but in the end you always look around and two weeks have passed you by in the blink of an eye.

Podoba mi się twój śliczny uśmiech.

drove to chicago

I took a turn on the street out of simple curiosity and came upon a lovely park, where I spent the afternoon reading and eating cookies. I eventually lost interest in the book and just lay there for a while, listening to the whispering of the wind through the trees, creating the softest rustle in the leaves around me. it was really beautiful. it felt like that scene in pocahontas where she's talking to grandmother willow and listens to the spirit of the wind. though it wasn't so much a spiritual experience involving ship sails as a nice, calming one in the midst of life's hectic-ness.

a very cute puppy gave me the scare of my life. I was lying on my back reading my book minding my own business when BAM I get a tongue in the face. hasn't happened since the last boyfriend (haha, kidding. sort of. but really.)

I think the starlings are mating. they were making really unusual guttural noises. it sounded kind of like a person with a deep voice trying to gargle (forgive the awkward simile but it's the best way of describing it.) they are such pretty birds, though.










this sums up my present preoccupation, I think.

in the city of blinding lights

if you can't reconcile your differences, maybe you should just accept that you're different and go from there. be efficient?

it is officially the cutest thing ever when someone tries to flirt in their non-first language. it melts me inside.

I think the whole not caring what people think thing is silly. if you care about people, you care what they think. all of y'all who say you don't care what people think, you do. if you put on clothes in the morning, you do. if you speak differently around adults, you do. if you dress to a certain style, or even if you try not to, you do. you may not want to think that you do, but somewhere in there, you do. it may even be on a subconscious level. I just feel like everyone cares what people think to some degree, but no one is willing to admit it.

I'm like a mini-conquergood over here, ethnograph-ing.

newsflash of my life, I have a plan for it! basically, it goes as follows: I graduate with degrees in comm and international studies, a minor in literature, and attempt to find some work in journalism for a few years. I then go to either graduate school for journalism or to law school for international law. I may also just go straight into grad/law, or do grad, then law later in life. all of these stages are somewhat interchangeable, but at some point I'd like them to happen. I like planning for the career switch, too. this plan feels right. all I have to go on is my gut, and so I will go on. with the gut.

life is pretty exciting, when you think about it, no?

these days, I just want to be alone.

though many people consider warsaw the backwaters of the world, there is a little hope here, a little glimmer of something that you can't find anywhere else.







I found out why the women here are so fierce. in communist times, men and women were completely equal. here the proportion of men to women doctors is about 50/50. they made the same amount too (not that anyone was really making anything substantial at the time, but still). women are used to independence, and aren't placed into subservient societal roles from the beginning. it's a totally different method of cultural upbringing, and that's why they all breathe this aura of "fuck you, I don't need you and your shit."

recently, however, a lot of international corporations have been coming in and this has been changing. hiring has been favoring men, as "they don't have babies and families and all that," something that's new to the polish women and that they are clearly not very happy about. after all, if you'd never had to take any of the shit the rest of the world's women have to deal with, why would you be okay with it now?

funny to think that here, it's today, but for everyone back home it's still yesterday.

I met my twin on the metro today. I was wearing a white top, blue jeans, and red flats. she had on a white top, blue jean skirt, and red flats. we both had white ipod earbuds in. the funny thing was the slight difference in the flats. hers weren't as shiny, but they had much cuter bows than mine. mine were definitely newer than hers, but somehow hers had a much more classic look. I know this is overanalysis of shoes, but the analogy is so perfect to our backgrounds. I feel like everything we do back home is shinier, newer, but it doesn't have the same charm. here everything is a little more worn, but there's that little magic, that old world style. it's that little bit of flair that we just can't imitate.

I had thoughts on anonymity, but they are not terribly concrete yet.

dreaming

first full night of sleep in a long time, and I feel fantastic. sleep is so restorative, and you don't realize what you've been missing until you start sleeping properly. then you wonder what the hell you were thinking.


at work, drinking tea and listening to ingrid. I had a few slices of the thin seed bread they have here, with a light fluffy cream cheese sort of confection and some banana slices on top for breakfast. happiness? yes. happiness is breakfast.


explored the old city yesterday. though it was certainly beautiful, I like all of warsaw, not just that part. the architecture everywhere here is different than home. I don't know what it is, but there's something that's just so magical, and so beautiful.


I've been dicking around at work, just because they don't seem to realize how quickly I can get things done. lots of music research and such. I haven't spent this much time with music in a long time, and it's taking me back to the times where I would spend hours listening to new songs, discovering new artists.

happiness is now. :)