the potential kills

I remember
picking out the white tie and the teal shirt for you to wear to work
while you razed the foam from your face in the predawn.

and while I am lost in the potential
of what I could make right in his world
I remember
what I made right in yours
the days when the orange juice swirled with the alcohol in the late afternoon
lounging in your lime boxers
and white shirt that gloved my gauntness.

as you razed the foam you razed my soul
from its forcibly thinned frame

I can connect the dots with your freckles
and make it seem like today is forever
we lie in each others' fissures and deepen them unknowing
the damage we have done.

and while he makes pain for me
yours lingers on
and together you make for me
an endless sea of insecurity.

maybe one day
you will knock on my door
and as I appear in my oven mittens and apron you take me
into your arms, baking, love
and teach me how to fill the cracks.

but that day will never come
and while you are wandering, love,
I will have found someone new
who will teach me how to fix myself.