just be here now. forget about the past

Sometimes, you lah dee dah through your life without paying attention to recording or writing anything down.

Except it's not so much lah-dee-dahing as a mad, scrambled, shitshow of a dash through life without having time to exercise (except life is enough exercise anyway), without pulling clean, warm clothes out of the dryer (and reduced to wearing things you haven't worn in years), without watching television (and resentfully hearing all about the episodes of Grey's that you missed) and without having time to sleep for more than about 5 hours a night (and blearily seeing the vaguely purple and puffy results under your eyes in the morning)...for about a month.




But what's worst of all? Not putting on water to boil, inhaling the scent of browning onions, buttering a cupcake tin, cracking an egg...not even turning on the stove. For about two weeks.

Maybe I'm being a little hyperbolic, but it has been kinda like that. It's not too far from the truth.


Honestly, it's a bit much to ask for me to catch you all (the few of you who keep up with me) up on this whirlwind of activity.

And believe me, a lot has changed since we last talked.


Things were really, really good.

And then I looked around, and it was April. And it's not that things aren't good now, because they are. But there's something off. At least for the past few days.

I'll develop more on that when I know exactly what's going on and I pinpoint it. Until then, I guess I'll digress.



Today, on another note, was nice. Every once in a while I get these spurts and bouts of extreme productivity.

As opposed to the previous whirlwind of activity, the bad whirlwind, where the world was whirling me around... this was a good whirlwind, my own personal self-made whirlwind. Visualize a Tazmanian devil type deal.

I cleaned the house, did my laundry, did the dishes, and cleaned my room.



I then went to get coffee, got groceries, and walked home the long way through the medical area of campus. I had forgotten my iPod, which I was initially irritated about, but it was actually really nice just taking in all of the sounds around me. It's funny how much you miss when you're tuning out the world.

If that wasn't enough, I went to the bookstore, picked up 18 Sharpies, made my way to the fourth floor and took a few hours to finish my homework for Friday so I am worry free for Coachella. I organized my life and sent out some emails. I left as I felt the hunger rumble my tummy and walked towards the rosy-cheeked sunset, feeling the chill of the night approach me. It was a really nice, peaceful moment.



And as the winds died down, I nested into the couch, grabbed the vans I've been working on and settled down for a nice session of giving into my creativity, something I've only been able to do on the edge of my notes recently.

I think I just need to get back to doing stuff like this more often, and this nagging doubt that's been growing in the back of my mind will go away. Focus on the day-to-day and personal details.

'Cause sometimes when you get caught up in the big stuff, you get stuck.