Thursday, October 15, 2009

live through this, and you won't look back

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. My life is being sucked away by things I am not happy to let do the sucking. So apologies are in order.



Sometimes we get flak for believing the impossible can actually happen. People will always be there to shoot you down. You walk out in the morning, your hair is neatly pinned, your sweater washed, your boots dusted off. Everything is fine until you hit the streets, and the mud slinging continues all day. You really are at your tallest in the morning, because out there are people waiting to take inches off of you every step you take.

But I can tell you, my friends, that some truly amazing things have happened to me in my short lifetime. Things that give me so much faith in life, in other people...in some indescribable spiritual sense. And when, like this week, things have just gone to shit and I want to tear things into tiny tiny little pieces, I have to stop myself in my tracks, rinse off some of the caked-on mud, and remember to see the big picture. My life really does all come down to perspective.



I may have no plans for my life, I may be broke, I may not have a job, I may be on eggshells with my parents, stressing about finances, work, and school all at once...frankly, I may just have too many things to do, and more things to worry about than a lot of my peers. The system has fucked me. But when I think about all that, and all the pressures, and feel like whining, I just remember that I should concentrate on broadening your shoulders rather than lessening your load (deja vu, anyone? Just to see if you're paying attention.)

Rambling aside, I am stumbling through life blindfolded. I don't think I have ever been more lost than I am right now. But every time I fall, I stand up again. I break things, I look like a damn fool, and feel like the butt of God's lame dinner party joke, but I stand up. It gets harder every time, but you stand up.



I'm on my knees, people. But I'm trying. And I suppose that must be worth something.

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