from the house down the road, from real love

One of my favorite things about myself is my ability to blend with others. I am a multi-faceted person, and depending on the person I am with, I let different sides of my personality shine. Some people bring out the playful Lynne, some bring out the spontaneous, crazy Lynne, some bring out the very chill, down-to-earth Lynne. I'm like a little semi-transparent color circle trying to find buddies to overlap with, trying to see if we can make a new color that I like. Finding new, exciting colors makes me happy.



Like all things, however, good qualities can also be seen as bad ones. Being driven can mean that you are stubborn, being too kind can mean that you're walked all over. And for me, my malleability forces me to really have to watch myself. Because once I get intimate with someone, once I get close to someone, I have to be careful to keep some of my color in my circle. It especially happens with those irksome complimentary colors, those dreaded opposites. I bleed into them and all we get is a mucky, ugly brown. Sometimes the intersection grows, and I only have a sliver of my original color left for myself. I get lost in the mixing process.


So scratch what I said before. I don't have edges. Not even fuzzy ones.

I have walls, and once they're knocked down, I have to contain my color in my arms. I can normally do this, but sometimes it escapes, swirls out, glides through my fingers. My tendency to dive into other people does not help. Nor does the fact that I am in a period of change. In these times of change, of revolution, slight nudges can knock me onto the floor, and it is a dangerous dance for me to make sure that I don't bleed out. Sometimes I have to take a step back.

I'm working on it. I'm okay. This epiphany just reiterates to me that I have to remember to keep some perspective. New colors are exciting, but you have to remember what you started with, where you came from.

I have to learn, despite the fantastic, festive dance and play of colors in my life, to keep my hue pure. To stay true to my original shades.