more contemplative ramblings than usual

lots of thoughts for today. bear with me.

but before I get in to the heavy stuff, let's start with the most important thing. I could die of contentment right now. I had the most beautiful afternoon in the city. I left work kind of early and just putzed around for a while. but this is the biggest milestone. apart from a small sauce mix up, I knew all the words, and I said them all. ogorki, cebulla, pomidory. today was the day I seized my power of language skills.

I got my kanapka, biiiitch!


I then proceeded to walk around the old city with the largest ice cream I have ever eaten in my entire life. I didn't really think about how phallic it was until it was far too late, and got a number of comments from the male population as I walked through the old city . my personal favorite was "oh wow" from a bunch of british guys, which made me laugh, and consequently get ice cream all over my face. this was followed by general whooping.

I made it to the viewing deck in a teensy little old church, I spoke italian with a really lost lady, and I bought really cute little souvenirs. all in all, a grand success of a beautiful sunny afternoon.






the pub we were at last night was packed. I'm pretty sure it must be in a lonely planet guide or something - they had english menus and most of the people at the bar were speaking english. at any rate, we shared our table with the most fabulous old couple and their nephew. they were so fun! they initally came up to me and said something in polish, and I replied with my rough version of 'I speak english.' they switched instantly! it was quite startling. very nice people. I love old couples. they give me faith in relationships and perennial love and all that. maybe I just got all mushy because of the mojitos, but they were really cute. we drank together and they smoked cigars and it was just all very festive.

ani's "out of habit" is stuck in my head today. 'and the coffee is just water dressed in brown...' god I love her. such raw talent. her music just so perfectly wraps up the feeling of certain moments. I am determined to see her perform at some point.

dominika said something interesting to me yesterday. she said that 'even though warsaw is my city, I feel like every city I go to is my city, or could be if I stayed there long enough.'

which brings me to anonymity--told you I would get back to it. it's like being part of the world, but not part of the world in the sense of your niche, and the things that define you and make you different. it's not about the specific relationships you have and the people you know. it's not about being recognized on the street, having tons of friends (or any at all, for that matter). you're part of the world in the sense that you're here with all of these people, and you're just a little droplet of water in the ocean. I'm always happier in bigger cities because even though you may be walking down the street and you're surrounded by strangers, whatever your social or life situation, you really get a sense that you aren't alone. I'm in a foreign city, in a foreign country, and I know maybe 20 people out of 2 million. even simple eye contact in the street...it just reminds you that 'you'll never walk alone,' and even if you are alone, you aren't...really.

"and out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone..."

I'm not capturing this well at all. damn it.

I generally ask a certain set of questions to people to get to know them better, and the same holds for people I meet here. my findings are that people don't really seem to like it here a lot of the time. when I ask if they'd want to live anywhere else, they find it inconceivable. it's a complex. the poles are caught somewhere between intense self-loathing, fierce nationalism, cynicism, conflict between past and future, and a je ne sais quoi. it is quite intriguing.

bartek is quite opinionated. I don't know how I feel about that. isn't the point of being our age the fact that we haven't really formed such solid opinions yet? I'm not saying that I don't have opinions, but I don't flout them unless I'm asked about them and I will always listen to someone else's argument no matter how ridiculous I might think it'll be. I think people always have the potential to say something that will open your mind to something you never even thought about before. we are young (heartache to heartache we stand...) and I feel like we shouldn't be so crochety and set in our ways at our age. we're university students though, so I guess this is when opinions start to take shape and we are all fiercely convinced we are right. maybe I'm just not opinionated enough. but I guess my stating my opinion on it means I'm opinionated, too. *sigh* opinion is a dangerous thing. (and now that word is starting to not look like a word because I used it so much.)

even though everyone here speaks english, none of them have complete mastery of the language. they're missing the sense of it, the soul of it. you can never get that, past a certain age. it's like unlocking the door to a beautiful secret. a secret garden. without knowing the soul of a language, all you get is a peek or two inside.

that's more than enough for one day, I think.